Skip to main content

Power of Love

Love without a price tag, conditions attached or the fine print of debt 



Before you start reading, let me confess that I was inspired by this post http://popchassid.com/didnt-love-wife/ to write this:

I was five years old when I decided that I would never opt for an arranged marriage. I told my Father about this. As always, he smiled - that calm, wise smile and said, "If that's what you truly want."

A part of me was disappointed. From all the Malayalam movies I had seen till then, this would have been the moment I was thrown out of the family for bringing dishonor. But my father didn't seem to care.

Then the thought struck me....I must be an adopted child. That's why my father isn't angry or livid or upset or wanting to throw me out of the house.

So, when an occasion came up, I ask my dad  " Tell me the truth please. Ami an adopted child?" I realize now that adopted children are loved as much as natural children in Indian families now but back then, I relied on movies to convey social truths.

I braced for the earth to shake, the heavens to fall...nothing of the sort happened. 

My father looked at me with amusement and says, "Which movie have you been watching recently?"

Then I felt really cross. This is a matter of my life and my identity. My dad isn't angry or serious about my destiny. Shouldn't he be threatening not to send me to school ever again? That's what loving dads are supposed to do in the movies!

As time passed, my priorities changed drastically mainly because of what I read and later experienced. When I turned 14, I had decided to practice spirituality very seriously.

I told my parents that I want to work towards Sanyasa. They were not surprised or taken aback. It was as though they were expecting it.

This is what my father said, "I won't say you are too young to take a decision like this. There is no greater truth than God or pursuing the path towards God. Your parents will never stand in your way. But wait till you have completed your education and then lets have this conversation again."

At sixteen, I went to the Kodaikanal ashram of my Guru. It was the month of April. The flowers seemed to bloom everywhere. The sun seemed more golden and I basked in the knowledge of my destiny. Or so, I thought as I prayed the same prayer that I should be accepted into the fold.

For the first time, a shadow of disapproval came across from my Guru and Master. His reply to my prayer was: "Do you know what it takes to be My disciple? Do you have any idea? You are not even remotely eligible to undertake Sanyasa."

I was crushed. I began to cry then and there. You can ask anyone in my family. It is very rarely they would have seen me cry unless its a tear jerker Padmarajan film like 'Njaan Gandharvan' or 'MunaamPakam.'

Then, with a lot of love, He said, "The words were harsh but had to be conveyed. You are my Daughter, nothing changes my love for you. You are always in my protection. I will always protect you as the eyelids protect the eyes. I am always with you. Isn't that enough? Go out into the world, experience what life has to offer, find your path when you are ready. All this talk of Sanyasa is not for you. In this lifetime, your chance to serve will come but not for many many years. When that chance comes, I will call you. Even then, it will not be Sanyasa for you."

I asked, "Are you punishing me with this rejection?"

His reply was "No, I am giving you an opportunity to fly away into a world that will fascinate your curiosity and you will learn to discover the path of spirituality on your own terms. If I accept you today, you will regret this moment years later. I know what is best for you. Forget Sanyasa, it is not for you."

Swami was right. Because at eighteen, I fell deeply in love. It took my life in a completely different direction. The years that followed were of passion and turbulence. Not exactly a recipe for 'Sanyasa' material. But I wouldn't have known that when I first considered myself to be the right material for Sanyasa.

Looking back to that exact moment of rejection, I realize one inexplicable Truth: My Guru knows me and loves me more than I knew. That one choice He made for me was out of absolute pure love and gave me the absolute freedom to live my life on my own terms, just as He wanted.

As a mother, I know the value of this love He has shown me. When you love your child deeply and truly, you put your child's happiness and destiny above everything else. 

In the end, that's all that matters: Love without a price tag, conditions attached or the fine print of debt.

Comments

KParthasarathi said…
That is a beautiful writeup.A true Guru knows when an aspirant becomes eligible to be taken as a disciple.I learn when one is ready and desrving for the spiritual path,the Guru appears unsolicited before him/her.
It is nice that you have been advised rightly and who else knoiws more than a Guru.
Ajith Kannan said…
Awesome writeup ...every time i get tired of browsing through mindless stuff and casually visit this site and find some "gems" of spiritual pointers which enriches life and the quest n search of the real truth..
@KP Parthasarathi: I completely agree with you Sir. A true Guru knows when an aspirant is eligible.

@Ajith Kannan: You won't believe how deeply moving and inspiring your words are for me. A day after writing this post, I came back to delete this post because I felt it won't be of any benefit or of use to anyone. But when I read your comment, I realized that it is a sign for me to keep writing what my heart tells me. I didn't delete this post after reading your comments. Thanks so much for your powerful, reassuring words. My prayer to God is simply this: Bless me, dear Lord, to write meaningful posts although I am aware that such posts are unlikely to be popular with a majority of people who are most likely to term it as 'rubbish'.
Vinaya Naidu said…
Love is indeed powerful...
Rebecca Subbiah said…
thanks for sharing your life and thoughts and nothing beats the love of motherhood hugs to you and pleased you found love
Ajith said…
Thanks i m humbled by your comments about my comments ..Actually your blog was an answer to at least some of my friends who are spiritual seekers but feel like "struck" in their current worldly lives.So please keep doing the God (good ) job...

“You must not let your life run in the ordinary way; do something that nobody else has done, something that will dazzle the world. Show that God's creative principle works in you.”
http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/14650.Paramahansa_Yogananda


Shilpa Garg said…
The Guru being omniscient intuitively knows what is best for the student!!
Vishnu said…
this article made me smile Swapna:) Not only because of your rejection of arranged marriage and your questions about if you were adopted or not (haha) but your desire to pursue a spiritual life. The guru was indeed wise to reject you - why are some of life's biggest rejections filled with so many gifts?
@Ajith - Thanks so much for the kind words. Grateful to you for these encouraging words and will do my best to keep writing on spiritual topics.

@Shilpa Garg - Thanks for reading the post and sharing your thoughts too.

@Rebecca - Thanks and warm motherhood hugs to you too, dear.

@Vinaya - Yes, truly. Love is what makes the world go round and a Guru's love is as vast and boundless like an ocean, charged with divine energy. Thanks for reading my post, Vinaya.

@Vishnu - Grateful to know that you read the post and happy to hear your thoughts on it. You have got it right all the way:)
Anonymous said…
http://www.ju.edu.jo/home.aspx
Jordan University
[url]http://www.ju.edu.jo[/url]

Most Popular Posts

The Ugly Truth about Caste in Kerala

This post on Kerala's caste system has not been written with an intention to ridicule or glorify any caste as such. I do not ever judge or like to be judged on the basis of my caste. I do not support any form of caste discrimination because I know exactly how it feels to be treated differently because of one's caste. It isn't a great feeling.  

First Question is always "What is your Caste?" In Kerala, one of the first things you are bound to be asked by even new people you've just met is, "What is your caste?"  This is not a tirade against any caste but my experience, personally. And just for information, I have never used my caste name 'Menon' to this day. That is something I have learned from my father - who has never used 'Menon' in his name because he believes his destiny is shaped by values, vision and actions, not  by his caste.
As some one who is a Menon by birth, I can also tell you frankly that it often feels like a curse to be…

Mahamrityunjaya Mantra: Meaning, Benefit of Chanting and Who can Chant the Mantra

There are very few mantras that are as powerful as the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra. [ALSO READ: How to NEVER EVER GIVE UP on the spiritual path]

Mahamrityunjaya Mantra: Benefit of chanting this mantra
This mantra is believed to have the power to remove all sufferings, diseases and bestow the one who chants it with good health and long life. It is also believed that constant contemplation of the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra can help spiritual aspirants to overcome the cycle of birth and death.
What got me fascinated about this mantra is something personal.  I learned this mantra from my father but it is my maternal grandmother who chanted it all the time and repeatedly told me of its tremendous power to protect. However, I did not chant this mantra regularly. 
But at the age of two, my son was taught some mantras by my mother who explained what it means to him and he became very enthusiastic about chanting the mantras. Following this, my mother taught him the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra and he took to …

Amazing Signs You are an Earth Angel

Doreen Virtue’s book, “Assertiveness for Earth Angels” brings to life the reality of Earth Angels in very easy way. It’s an exciting must-read! [ALSO READ: How to NEVER EVER GIVE UP on the spiritual path]

Earth Angels have amazing super powers in: MusicArtsWriting HealingManifesting miracles for others such as controlling weather conditions &  becoming invisible at will
DO READ: ASK MORE, FEAR LESS.

How to Identify Earth Angels by their Traits
To know whether you are an Earth Angel, take a look at their known traits that are explained in this book:


You have a graceful and compassionate aura that inspires people.Your presence “lifts” everyone to happier spirits – it is proof of who you really are.You don’t judge others but you overdo the “acceptance” bit. So, you tolerate even those who show no respect for boundaries.You cannot stand anyone suffering or being in pain. You are constantly “rescuing people” because it is in your nature to want to see everyone happy in this world. But y…

Gayatri Mantra as Panchamukhi: Get it right or let it go

Most people do not understand the importance of chanting the Gayatri mantra because they are not aware of its power. It is only when I began to read Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba's teachings that I learned how sacred and powerful the chanting of the Gayatri mantra is.
The Vedas represent the breath of God. The Gayatri mantra is the very basis of the Vedas. Try not to undertake chanting the Gayatri mantra as a light endeavor or as a hobby. It has to be chanted with faith, discipline and purity of mind and body. Be steady with your sadhana if you want to reap the spiritual dividend associated with the Gayatri mantra  and never once hesitate once you decide to do it.
Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba said that the Gayatri Mantra is referred to as Pancha Mukhi, the Goddess with five faces that represent the five pranas or life forces. Here's more on it.


Chant the Gayatri Mantra correctly: Pause Five Times Here are some important things to keep in mind while chanting the Gayatri mantra:

1. Wh…

World Book Day: An Introvert's Perspective on Books as a Refuge

Books and bookshops have always been a part of my life. 
As a child stranded between cultures far too often, it suited me to find refuge in the world of books. I didn't know then that I was an introvert, but it was clear that my escape into the world of books was one of both necessity and protection. 
Books protected me. Back then, children of my age who considered themselves to be ''cool" would never sit next to me if I was reading a book - which is exactly the protection I wanted for myself. I wanted to be left alone.
As a habit since childhood, I carry books with me everywhere. It particularly helps when I travel - I can forget about my tensions and also get rid of strangers who try to open a conversation with me when all I want to do is escape into a book.

Books have been my best companion ever since the early years when I learned to distrust people's intentions - what they said had little to do with what they eventually did - and this continues to baffle me. But …

Take Off Movie Review: Parvathy brilliant; Kunchacko Boban is master of subtlety and Fahaad Faasil excels

Inspired by real events pertaining to the terrifying ordeal of Malayali nurses who were captured by the ISIS and brought safely back to India by a rescue operation of the Indian government, this movie Take Off is Mahesh Narayanan's directorial debut - the movie is intelligently crafted and showcases the spirit of sacrifice and dedication of Malayali nurses despite the tough conditions of life they are forced to live with.

Right from the beginning, the narrative throws you into the difficult life and struggles of a Muslim working mother called Sameera, whose life catapults between her work and her longing for her son Ibru ( the little boy is adorable with his big, melting eyes and the sweetest, most lovable smile) and in between, you see her pop sleeping tablets to sleep - such is the stress in her life. You also get to see snippets of her strong personality flare up when conservatism and bias become too much for her to ''adjust'' with.

For instance, when Sameera (sta…

Mahashivaratri: I'm loving it!

When I was a child, Mahashivaratri bhajans used to be conducted at home. It meant 24X7 work for my parents, especially my mother. But this is the one festival that we loved to get ready for. 
You had to prepare in advance for hosting so many people overnight. They had to be comfortable yet alert because no one who stays can be allowed to fall asleep unless they are unwell or on medication. So, if there were aunties who wanted to take a ten-minute nap, I would time it and call them exactly in ten minutes!
The joy of watching grown-ups make a fool of themselves over getting few more minutes of sleep cannot be underestimated especially when you are ten or twelve years old!
Perhaps it is those beautiful growing up years that make it difficult for me to stay away from an all-night vigil during Mahashivaratri. I can't stay away from it no matter where I am, even if the following day is a working day. This year too, I attended the Mahashivaratri bhajans at the Sai Center, Lodhi Road, and I …