Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Power of Love

Love without a price tag, conditions attached or the fine print of debt 

Before you start reading, let me confess that I was inspired by this post http://popchassid.com/didnt-love-wife/ to write this:

I was five years old when I decided that I would never opt for an arranged marriage. I told my Father about this. As always, he smiled - that calm, wise smile and said, "If that's what you truly want."

A part of me was disappointed. From all the Malayalam movies I had seen till then, this would have been the moment I was thrown out of the family for bringing dishonor. But my father didn't seem to care.

Then the thought struck me....I must be an adopted child. That's why my father isn't angry or livid or upset or wanting to throw me out of the house.

So, when an occasion came up, I ask my dad  " Tell me the truth please. Ami an adopted child?" I realize now that adopted children are loved as much as natural children in Indian families now but back then, I relied on movies to convey social truths.

I braced for the earth to shake, the heavens to fall...nothing of the sort happened. 

My father looked at me with amusement and says, "Which movie have you been watching recently?"

Then I felt really cross. This is a matter of my life and my identity. My dad isn't angry or serious about my destiny. Shouldn't he be threatening not to send me to school ever again? That's what loving dads are supposed to do in the movies!

As time passed, my priorities changed drastically mainly because of what I read and later experienced. When I turned 14, I had decided to practice spirituality very seriously.

I told my parents that I want to work towards Sanyasa. They were not surprised or taken aback. It was as though they were expecting it.

This is what my father said, "I won't say you are too young to take a decision like this. There is no greater truth than God or pursuing the path towards God. Your parents will never stand in your way. But wait till you have completed your education and then lets have this conversation again."

At sixteen, I went to the Kodaikanal ashram of my Guru. It was the month of April. The flowers seemed to bloom everywhere. The sun seemed more golden and I basked in the knowledge of my destiny. Or so, I thought as I prayed the same prayer that I should be accepted into the fold.

For the first time, a shadow of disapproval came across from my Guru and Master. His reply to my prayer was: "Do you know what it takes to be My disciple? Do you have any idea? You are not even remotely eligible to undertake Sanyasa."

I was crushed. I began to cry then and there. You can ask anyone in my family. It is very rarely they would have seen me cry unless its a tear jerker Padmarajan film like 'Njaan Gandharvan' or 'MunaamPakam.'

Then, with a lot of love, He said, "The words were harsh but had to be conveyed. You are my Daughter, nothing changes my love for you. You are always in my protection. I will always protect you as the eyelids protect the eyes. I am always with you. Isn't that enough? Go out into the world, experience what life has to offer, find your path when you are ready. All this talk of Sanyasa is not for you. In this lifetime, your chance to serve will come but not for many many years. When that chance comes, I will call you. Even then, it will not be Sanyasa for you."

I asked, "Are you punishing me with this rejection?"

His reply was "No, I am giving you an opportunity to fly away into a world that will fascinate your curiosity and you will learn to discover the path of spirituality on your own terms. If I accept you today, you will regret this moment years later. I know what is best for you. Forget Sanyasa, it is not for you."

Swami was right. Because at eighteen, I fell deeply in love. It took my life in a completely different direction. The years that followed were of passion and turbulence. Not exactly a recipe for 'Sanyasa' material. But I wouldn't have known that when I first considered myself to be the right material for Sanyasa.

Looking back to that exact moment of rejection, I realize one inexplicable Truth: My Guru knows me and loves me more than I knew. That one choice He made for me was out of absolute pure love and gave me the absolute freedom to live my life on my own terms, just as He wanted.

As a mother, I know the value of this love He has shown me. When you love your child deeply and truly, you put your child's happiness and destiny above everything else. 

In the end, that's all that matters: Love without a price tag, conditions attached or the fine print of debt.


KParthasarathi said...

That is a beautiful writeup.A true Guru knows when an aspirant becomes eligible to be taken as a disciple.I learn when one is ready and desrving for the spiritual path,the Guru appears unsolicited before him/her.
It is nice that you have been advised rightly and who else knoiws more than a Guru.

Ajith Kannan said...

Awesome writeup ...every time i get tired of browsing through mindless stuff and casually visit this site and find some "gems" of spiritual pointers which enriches life and the quest n search of the real truth..

Swapna Raghu Sanand said...

@KP Parthasarathi: I completely agree with you Sir. A true Guru knows when an aspirant is eligible.

@Ajith Kannan: You won't believe how deeply moving and inspiring your words are for me. A day after writing this post, I came back to delete this post because I felt it won't be of any benefit or of use to anyone. But when I read your comment, I realized that it is a sign for me to keep writing what my heart tells me. I didn't delete this post after reading your comments. Thanks so much for your powerful, reassuring words. My prayer to God is simply this: Bless me, dear Lord, to write meaningful posts although I am aware that such posts are unlikely to be popular with a majority of people who are most likely to term it as 'rubbish'.

Vinaya Naidu said...

Love is indeed powerful...

Rebecca Subbiah said...

thanks for sharing your life and thoughts and nothing beats the love of motherhood hugs to you and pleased you found love

Ajith said...

Thanks i m humbled by your comments about my comments ..Actually your blog was an answer to at least some of my friends who are spiritual seekers but feel like "struck" in their current worldly lives.So please keep doing the God (good ) job...

“You must not let your life run in the ordinary way; do something that nobody else has done, something that will dazzle the world. Show that God's creative principle works in you.”

Shilpa Garg said...

The Guru being omniscient intuitively knows what is best for the student!!

Vishnu said...

this article made me smile Swapna:) Not only because of your rejection of arranged marriage and your questions about if you were adopted or not (haha) but your desire to pursue a spiritual life. The guru was indeed wise to reject you - why are some of life's biggest rejections filled with so many gifts?

Swapna Raghu Sanand said...

@Ajith - Thanks so much for the kind words. Grateful to you for these encouraging words and will do my best to keep writing on spiritual topics.

@Shilpa Garg - Thanks for reading the post and sharing your thoughts too.

@Rebecca - Thanks and warm motherhood hugs to you too, dear.

@Vinaya - Yes, truly. Love is what makes the world go round and a Guru's love is as vast and boundless like an ocean, charged with divine energy. Thanks for reading my post, Vinaya.

@Vishnu - Grateful to know that you read the post and happy to hear your thoughts on it. You have got it right all the way:)

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