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To Him, Whom I love

The first time I saw Him, I had a letter clutched in my palm. I was eleven or twelve years old. He ignored me and did not accept my letter.

He took my heart instead.



I can tell you this. If my heart is ever cut open, it is Him you will see there. 

Maybe more than all the oceans in this world, the continents that spans us, the words that embrace us, the love that precedes everything else, my love for Swami remains above everything else.

This life I have is truly blessed because of the sweetness of that love – the love of Swami that equals the love of a thousand mothers. He is Father, Mother, Mentor, Guru, Best Friend – all of this in one form. It’s hard to explain, really.

And yet I still have a thousand reasons to love Him. Maybe I don’t even need a reason. Loving Him is enough – the ultimate experience in my last sojourn of this life.

So many reasons to love Him:

He laughs at my fears and says lovingly, “Why fear when I am here?”

He has stood by me and showed me that nothing is lost when one’s life falls apart or when one’s trust in humanity crumbles. 

He alone helped me see that God is Love and that in our veins that same love runs like an invisible channel waiting to be channelized into the Universe.

He taught me that my pain is nothing but an inevitable awakening from the Universe – an awakening of love, compassion and awareness.

Even in the midst of bone chilling pain, His smile appeared, He made jokes that I found myself smiling at and I found the courage not to crumble, cry or ask “Why me?” 

Instead I said, “How can you joke at a time like this?” He patted my head and said, “You need to smile more through these tests, that’s why.” He has an amazing sense of timing, pranks and humor but few people know it.

He gives me love, courage and unconditional protection. He is my Hero.

I love my Lord, my Guru, my everything. His glance, His smile, His voice and His walk – I love everything about Swami. I don’t know any other way to say it.

And if I maybe allowed to make a wish today, it is always this -  May my final thoughts be of you - Swami, may I finally find my way back to you – the origin of my Being and may I say your name alone and none other with the last drumming of my heart beat.

[Today is April 24th – the Samadhi day of my God and Guru. This is my most humble offering at the lotus feet of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba]

Comments

Anonymous said…
I can feel the depth of your love and respect towards him...
Tanmi Gold said…
Like you mentioned, from my personal experience I learned that when one’s life falls apart and when one’s trust in humanity crumbles - that is when our real self is born. We discover a new self who's ready to explore the other, better side of world. :)
So beautifully written... It makes me feel as if I am speaking to myself... I share all your feelings and thoughts Swapna and it felt so soothing and refreshing to read through this piece (peace). Thank you.
@Anonymous: Thank you.

@TanmiGold: Good point. It is an awakening of the Self indeed.

@Aravind Balasubramanya: Grateful and thank you so much. I asked Swami for a sign whether he liked this post or not. Hours later, I read your comment and I felt that this is His message. Thank you for the divine affirmation, Brother Aravind. This means a lot to me.

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