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''Kaalachakra'' or the wheel of time is on a roll - which phase are you in?

We all go through ''phases'' in life - you probably know what I am talking about as you recall the good years you had and those that saw you struggling. I have a ''kaalachakra'' theory for these phases. The toughest and most scary times aren't so tough at all once we have faced it with conviction and courage that ''this too shall tide over."  

Every human being goes through the wheel of Time and no one escapes it. So, no matter who you are, how ''high" you are in the hierarchy of life, you too will go through the wheel of time, which means you are not exempted from the struggles and trials, period. In the process, you are creating your own karma, which stems out of your free will.  

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How you react to your struggles and tough moments is where your growth, as a human being, is given a definition and a direction. It signals your evolution to the Universe that sends opportunities and challenges in your way. Simply put, you are responsible for the choices you make and as you probably know by now, life is all about the choices we make. [Do READ: Success is about your capability to withstand pain longer]

The toughest choice I had to make was whether to continue working after my son was born. After weighing the pros and cons, I decided that I would continue working and while doing so, I would give it my very best. I challenged myself that no one should ever feel that I was doing a half-hearted attempt at my work, because I had just given birth to a baby. The initial days were tough. I had to steel myself from crying several times a day at my desk because all I wanted to do was wrap my baby in my arms and hold him tight.  It was a period of intense introspection and contemplation, followed by struggles that I cannot even begin to describe without tears filling up my eyes.

That first year, I felt that I had gone through hell. It didn't help that the place I worked was three hours away and that I spent six hours commuting! It didn't help that the girls I worked with were contemptuous of the fact that I was married and worse, had a baby too! The sniggers, the snide remarks and the overall way in which I was treated cannot be described in words. Big egos were at play and I didn't have a clue how to handle those who were hostile beyond reason.

Work was never an add-on, part time activity in my life. I intended to learn and excel in every realm that I worked in but with a hostile environment around me, it became too challenging and I was not as tough as I thought I could be. Little things hurt and though I did not crumble before others and let them have a laugh at my expense, I knew that I no longer enjoyed working in such a place. 

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What hurt me is that it is a woman in a position of power who was doing this and not with a good intention. Later I came to know that she had had a bitter divorce and a custody battle for her two daughters. I respect her struggles and I have never harbored any ill-feeling towards the actions that hurt me. I did not break down ever nor did I react to her hostility but I continued my work with a serene smile. I knew that this was ''just a phase'' and it would be over. 

The next thing I had to tackle was winning my son's trust. When I reached home, it would be almost nine in the night and my son would be fast asleep. Since I leave for work early to reach on time, he is asleep then too, which meant I rarely saw him awake except during weekends. And here is the worst part - he looked at me like a stranger, would cry if I tried to hold him and turn his face away from me and not give me a chance to cuddle him at all. It broke my heart and I saw this as a sign. [READ: The Secret to All Success ]

And without a second thought, I immediately resigned from my job - though it was one with enviable financial perks. I had a mission to accomplish - I wanted to bond with my son, win his trust and make him believe and understand that nothing in this world is more important to me than winning his trust.

It wasn't an easy decision to implement. To keep myself connected with the professional world, I began to accept projects that allowed me to work from home. It gave me the joy of learning new things without having to leave the comfort of my home. Freelance assignments began to pour in and I found myself rejecting most because I had fixed the number of working hours to six. I did not want to compromise on my time with my son. 

As I began spending all my time with my son, his responses thawed from distrust to trust, from indifference to confidence and I don't know when and how exactly it happened, but he just knew that I am there for him always and he began to adore me, just the way I had hoped and prayed that he would. This is a life-changing choice in my life that I have never regretted and I never will.

In the middle of all this, I gradually came back to work but I made sure that I am there for my son whenever he needs me.  I talk to him about everything that happens at work and he talks to me about everything that happens in school. We trust each other and we know that this love and trust are valuable to take us forward together.

The ''kaalachakra'' continues to roll and though I am not a believer of ''happily forever after'' fairy tales, now that I have turned forty this year, I hope that the phase of heart-wrenching pain and struggles are finally over.  Fingers crossed.


Vishnu said…
A great post. It sounds like you took on every challenge that came your way with being a mother and going to work. You sacrificed at times and figured out ways to improve the situation in others.. Bravo!

I didn't quite handle my life's toughest moments with quite the same resilience but now, have the skills, wisdom and awareness that I acquired through the process.

I wasn't quite looking to 40 this year also and it sure doesn't feel like my age haha but it does brings a level of emotional, spiritual and life maturity! It just takes men 40 years
Dear Vishnu,

This was one of those posts that felt emotionally difficult to sit down and write, especially the part about deciding to work when my son was just six months old. Thanks for hsaring your experience - your blog teaches us a lot about how you've handled the toughest times with resilience. I agree with you on the 40's bit - I am just not too thrilled right now as I can sense my system reacting differently to food and other things. I have begun to feel my age:)

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